Conference call completed!

It was....umm....interesting to say the least. It lasted nearly 2 hours which surprised me. I really thought it wouldn't last that long but we talked about a lot of things. I was nice of course but I was kind of blunt or rather "real" is the word to use. I didn't hide what I was thinking really or try to pretty up what has happened in the past. I wanted them to know that I was quite hurt with my last journey and that I am a bit scared about embarking on a new one. Well, not just scared but very cautious as well.
I think they answered all the questions I could think of and then a few I thought of at the time. Granted, there are 2 things that still kind of worry me, well 3 actually, but the rest of it all sounded really good. Now I'm at the point of, do I want to take that leap despite my worries or do I want to pass? Passing could be a longer wait, not passing could mean I'm jeopardizing a happy stress free journey. But see, well I'll just write my worries out and maybe that will help me.
#1 they want to transfer 2 embryos as long as there are 2 to transfer.
#2 this could basically be a one shot deal. 3 frozen embryos only, all 3 thawed depending on how each one looks they will take 2 of the best ones and won't transfer any that aren't good or excellent which could also mean only 1 gets transferred
#3 IF and it is a BIG IF, an embryo splits and I end up with triplets or quads, there will be NO selective reduction

Now, with #1 I think I can handle transferring 2 embryos for a couple reasons. The embryos have been on ice for 14 years. She was 29 when they were fertilized and were obviously good quality at that time. The RE has told her there is only a 25% chance of each embryo being good or excellent quality. If by chance all 3 are good/excellent, they will still only transfer 2 and refreeze the last one. In that case, whether those 2 transferred result in a live birth or not, they will want to do another cycle with the last remaining embry to give it a chance at life. So really, my chances of just getting pregnant are slim, the chance of prenancy with twins is slim and the chance at pregnancy with HOM is even slimmer. This is a lot of work, time, energy, emotions to go into a one shot deal, even though I fully understand why they are doing it.

#2, well I think I covered that along with #1. Lots of time to spend on a one shot deal. Is it worth it to me?

#3 Its not really a huge issue but it does kind of concern me. Only in the sense that I had a very hard twin pregnancy and I'm scared to go through another, any more than twins really terrifies me. Along with that, I'm not so sure I'd even have a shot at delivering triplets vaginally and anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm also terrified of having a c-section. If I did I'm afraid that my pregnancy days truly would be over and that deeply saddens me.

Yes I realize that just having another pregnancy and complications could cause my pregnancy days to be over and I'm ok with that. The reason the c-section thing scares me is because I would have to fight like hell to have a VBAC I'm sure and I know good and well that I don't heal very easily from surgeries. The pain from a c-section is likely to cripple me for a good long time and thats not something that I would want to repeat EVER again.

Some of this I'm sure people will say just suck it up! They aren't that big of issues and you can work with it all. This of course is true. :) Does it mean I should suck it up though? I'm not sure and thats kind of where I'm struggling right now. I'm kind of in the same boat I was with my 2nd surrogacy and because of that I rushed head first into it and look where I ended up. Heartbroken and stressed. No, I didn't have an agency to fight for me at that time and I would now, but I still learned an important lesson about rushing into this type of thing.

I guess I'm going to take my time to really think about this and hopefully God will show me the way (even though I'm deaf, dumb and blind when it comes to his messages most of the time).

Keep me in your thoughts as I filter through all this information and crazy emotions to get to the right decision.