Today, the contract was sent to S&P. My coordinator was kind enough to make a couple changes she already knew I wanted, although she of course has to let them know what the "template" contract said. I'm not really sure if I will get the contract early next week or not because my PIP's are going on vacation this weekend. I really hope they have time to look it over before they leave so I can look it over. I think it would be nicer if we got it at the same time, thats what happened with my last journey but whatever, I'll wait.
I'm worried that I will have to make several changes to it though but hopefully they won't mind much and will understand.
I also got a new idea about how to get into working with IARC as an employee! Since my coordinator is the owner's daughter and I've talked to the owner several times about this and have been told I have the job I just need to work onsite, I thought I'd try his daughter. LOL She is super nice, understanding and was very open to my idea and also knew that it would be a great addition to the agency. So...........she told me to write up my proposal of what I would be doing, work I could alleviate from the coordinators, how to manage time, how many hours etc and send it to her. Of course, I have no problem logging into something and clocking my time, but some of what I'm proposing won't necessarily "show" results so someone would have to contact the same people I'm supposed to be contacting just to kind of check up on me. Anyway, I'm really hoping and praying that this is it! It's a passion of mine and I know I can do it and do an excellent job at it. It would be a dream come true for me!!!! (Not to mention we could REALLY use this income right now but that only prompted me to find another way to work on the owner about this LOL)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
It's not much, yet it's a lot!
I heard back from the coordinator Monday afternoon. I thought for sure she would have emailed or called right away Monday but it was as usual, late in the afternoon. I was trying not to think about and keeping myself busy to keep my mind off of it all day even though I didn't realize it at the time. Anyway, in the email she said that she had just gotten off the phone with S and she was really excited! Apparently S&P felt a good connection with us right away and they very much wanted to work with us!
They are drawing up the contract right now to send to S&P first and that should be Mon. next week and I will get it the following week. This is a pretty scary time for me though because my last match through IARC fell through because of the contract. IARC has very specific wording for certain things and they like their fees to remain about the same and I already know from my first journey what will HAVE to be changed right away. I know almost exactly what I want this time around that I feel is very fair and just for an experienced 3rd time surrogate, and one who hasn't had a c-section nor will agree to one just because. My fees are higher than the first time I was with IARC but they are all nearly the same as my 2nd time. I don't know, I guess we'll just see what happens.
Thank God Ansil is much more involved this time! I really like that he is so we can discuss everything and it's not just me talking and him ignoring me. Hopefully he will actually start his own blog! I would really like to read exactly what he's thinking no matter what it is.
They are drawing up the contract right now to send to S&P first and that should be Mon. next week and I will get it the following week. This is a pretty scary time for me though because my last match through IARC fell through because of the contract. IARC has very specific wording for certain things and they like their fees to remain about the same and I already know from my first journey what will HAVE to be changed right away. I know almost exactly what I want this time around that I feel is very fair and just for an experienced 3rd time surrogate, and one who hasn't had a c-section nor will agree to one just because. My fees are higher than the first time I was with IARC but they are all nearly the same as my 2nd time. I don't know, I guess we'll just see what happens.
Thank God Ansil is much more involved this time! I really like that he is so we can discuss everything and it's not just me talking and him ignoring me. Hopefully he will actually start his own blog! I would really like to read exactly what he's thinking no matter what it is.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Captain, the ship has landed!
I'm not a captain, I don't have a ship and I'm not going nor have I been sailing or on a cruise. Well, I did take this cruise once when I was 15 but thats neither here nor there.
Anwayyyyyyyyyyy, I've made a decision about S&P, the PIP's that I've been blabbering on about recently. Maybe you'll think it's a good decision, maybe you won't but it's MY decision.
I've decided......
.
.
.
(enough of that crap already)
YES! I wrote the coordinator an email this afternoon and said that if they are still willing and wanting to work with me, I'll do it. And of course I apologized for taking my sweet sweet time in making the decision. Now we'll see what happens from here I guess. For all I know they don't want to work with me anymore even.
Anwayyyyyyyyyyy, I've made a decision about S&P, the PIP's that I've been blabbering on about recently. Maybe you'll think it's a good decision, maybe you won't but it's MY decision.
I've decided......
.
.
.
(enough of that crap already)
YES! I wrote the coordinator an email this afternoon and said that if they are still willing and wanting to work with me, I'll do it. And of course I apologized for taking my sweet sweet time in making the decision. Now we'll see what happens from here I guess. For all I know they don't want to work with me anymore even.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Still lost and confused
I know the title probably describes me 99.9% of the time but this is ONLY concerning surrogacy. LOL
Anyway, this week I would have had a chance to speak to the Potential IM one on one if I had checked my email earlier than I did. Unfortunately I didn't but I don't know that it would have helped much.
Its not them at all, they are a wonderful couple and I have no doubts that if I choose them the journey will be fine. Its just, how long will that journey last, thats holding me back. And I feel horrible, really horrible.
Its been over a week now and I'm still lost. I don't even know what to say to the agency coordinator anymore. I told her my concerns and what my biggest hold up is and I know she kind of understands but I don't think she REALLY gets it.
Can't someone just tell me what to do??????
Anyway, this week I would have had a chance to speak to the Potential IM one on one if I had checked my email earlier than I did. Unfortunately I didn't but I don't know that it would have helped much.
Its not them at all, they are a wonderful couple and I have no doubts that if I choose them the journey will be fine. Its just, how long will that journey last, thats holding me back. And I feel horrible, really horrible.
Its been over a week now and I'm still lost. I don't even know what to say to the agency coordinator anymore. I told her my concerns and what my biggest hold up is and I know she kind of understands but I don't think she REALLY gets it.
Can't someone just tell me what to do??????
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Conference call completed!
It was....umm....interesting to say the least. It lasted nearly 2 hours which surprised me. I really thought it wouldn't last that long but we talked about a lot of things. I was nice of course but I was kind of blunt or rather "real" is the word to use. I didn't hide what I was thinking really or try to pretty up what has happened in the past. I wanted them to know that I was quite hurt with my last journey and that I am a bit scared about embarking on a new one. Well, not just scared but very cautious as well.
I think they answered all the questions I could think of and then a few I thought of at the time. Granted, there are 2 things that still kind of worry me, well 3 actually, but the rest of it all sounded really good. Now I'm at the point of, do I want to take that leap despite my worries or do I want to pass? Passing could be a longer wait, not passing could mean I'm jeopardizing a happy stress free journey. But see, well I'll just write my worries out and maybe that will help me.
#1 they want to transfer 2 embryos as long as there are 2 to transfer.
#2 this could basically be a one shot deal. 3 frozen embryos only, all 3 thawed depending on how each one looks they will take 2 of the best ones and won't transfer any that aren't good or excellent which could also mean only 1 gets transferred
#3 IF and it is a BIG IF, an embryo splits and I end up with triplets or quads, there will be NO selective reduction
Now, with #1 I think I can handle transferring 2 embryos for a couple reasons. The embryos have been on ice for 14 years. She was 29 when they were fertilized and were obviously good quality at that time. The RE has told her there is only a 25% chance of each embryo being good or excellent quality. If by chance all 3 are good/excellent, they will still only transfer 2 and refreeze the last one. In that case, whether those 2 transferred result in a live birth or not, they will want to do another cycle with the last remaining embry to give it a chance at life. So really, my chances of just getting pregnant are slim, the chance of prenancy with twins is slim and the chance at pregnancy with HOM is even slimmer. This is a lot of work, time, energy, emotions to go into a one shot deal, even though I fully understand why they are doing it.
#2, well I think I covered that along with #1. Lots of time to spend on a one shot deal. Is it worth it to me?
#3 Its not really a huge issue but it does kind of concern me. Only in the sense that I had a very hard twin pregnancy and I'm scared to go through another, any more than twins really terrifies me. Along with that, I'm not so sure I'd even have a shot at delivering triplets vaginally and anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm also terrified of having a c-section. If I did I'm afraid that my pregnancy days truly would be over and that deeply saddens me.
Yes I realize that just having another pregnancy and complications could cause my pregnancy days to be over and I'm ok with that. The reason the c-section thing scares me is because I would have to fight like hell to have a VBAC I'm sure and I know good and well that I don't heal very easily from surgeries. The pain from a c-section is likely to cripple me for a good long time and thats not something that I would want to repeat EVER again.
Some of this I'm sure people will say just suck it up! They aren't that big of issues and you can work with it all. This of course is true. :) Does it mean I should suck it up though? I'm not sure and thats kind of where I'm struggling right now. I'm kind of in the same boat I was with my 2nd surrogacy and because of that I rushed head first into it and look where I ended up. Heartbroken and stressed. No, I didn't have an agency to fight for me at that time and I would now, but I still learned an important lesson about rushing into this type of thing.
I guess I'm going to take my time to really think about this and hopefully God will show me the way (even though I'm deaf, dumb and blind when it comes to his messages most of the time).
Keep me in your thoughts as I filter through all this information and crazy emotions to get to the right decision.
I think they answered all the questions I could think of and then a few I thought of at the time. Granted, there are 2 things that still kind of worry me, well 3 actually, but the rest of it all sounded really good. Now I'm at the point of, do I want to take that leap despite my worries or do I want to pass? Passing could be a longer wait, not passing could mean I'm jeopardizing a happy stress free journey. But see, well I'll just write my worries out and maybe that will help me.
#1 they want to transfer 2 embryos as long as there are 2 to transfer.
#2 this could basically be a one shot deal. 3 frozen embryos only, all 3 thawed depending on how each one looks they will take 2 of the best ones and won't transfer any that aren't good or excellent which could also mean only 1 gets transferred
#3 IF and it is a BIG IF, an embryo splits and I end up with triplets or quads, there will be NO selective reduction
Now, with #1 I think I can handle transferring 2 embryos for a couple reasons. The embryos have been on ice for 14 years. She was 29 when they were fertilized and were obviously good quality at that time. The RE has told her there is only a 25% chance of each embryo being good or excellent quality. If by chance all 3 are good/excellent, they will still only transfer 2 and refreeze the last one. In that case, whether those 2 transferred result in a live birth or not, they will want to do another cycle with the last remaining embry to give it a chance at life. So really, my chances of just getting pregnant are slim, the chance of prenancy with twins is slim and the chance at pregnancy with HOM is even slimmer. This is a lot of work, time, energy, emotions to go into a one shot deal, even though I fully understand why they are doing it.
#2, well I think I covered that along with #1. Lots of time to spend on a one shot deal. Is it worth it to me?
#3 Its not really a huge issue but it does kind of concern me. Only in the sense that I had a very hard twin pregnancy and I'm scared to go through another, any more than twins really terrifies me. Along with that, I'm not so sure I'd even have a shot at delivering triplets vaginally and anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm also terrified of having a c-section. If I did I'm afraid that my pregnancy days truly would be over and that deeply saddens me.
Yes I realize that just having another pregnancy and complications could cause my pregnancy days to be over and I'm ok with that. The reason the c-section thing scares me is because I would have to fight like hell to have a VBAC I'm sure and I know good and well that I don't heal very easily from surgeries. The pain from a c-section is likely to cripple me for a good long time and thats not something that I would want to repeat EVER again.
Some of this I'm sure people will say just suck it up! They aren't that big of issues and you can work with it all. This of course is true. :) Does it mean I should suck it up though? I'm not sure and thats kind of where I'm struggling right now. I'm kind of in the same boat I was with my 2nd surrogacy and because of that I rushed head first into it and look where I ended up. Heartbroken and stressed. No, I didn't have an agency to fight for me at that time and I would now, but I still learned an important lesson about rushing into this type of thing.
I guess I'm going to take my time to really think about this and hopefully God will show me the way (even though I'm deaf, dumb and blind when it comes to his messages most of the time).
Keep me in your thoughts as I filter through all this information and crazy emotions to get to the right decision.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I'm so undecided!
I received an email today that they had a possible match for me. The couple is only a couple hours away from me, they have 3 kids through IVF and 3 frozen embryos. They want to give the embryos a chance at life but if it doesn't work they will not be moving forward with a fresh cycle.
This couple worries me for a couple reasons. First, they want to transfer 2 embryos. Second, its basically a one time deal because they only have 3 embryos and since they are frozen they will need to be thawed and the success rate of that is not the best. And third, to be honest, because the PIF is a doctor. Yea, that may sound tacky but they say doctors make the worst patients and I do NOT want to be over analyzed or have my doctors orders/opinions/suggestions scrutinized.
I could deal with most of my worries but I really REALLY don't want to go through another multiples pregnancy. I was so utterly miserable with the last set and I was soooo lucky to have a very uneventful vaginal delivery, I just don't think my luck will hold up once again and I'm absolutely terrified of a c-section.
Ansil thinks that we should at least talk with the couple before ruling anything out. I know in my head that is the right thing to do but I just don't want to. Maybe its because I'm not in the best frame of mind today or my emotions are running amok without me realizing it but I really want to write back and say no, I don't want to talk with them. :( And how terribly rude of me too!
Ansil also doesn't really have much of an opinion of them at this point other than to say give it a try and talk with them.
I guess thats what we will do but right now I'm really not feeling it and it sucks!
This couple worries me for a couple reasons. First, they want to transfer 2 embryos. Second, its basically a one time deal because they only have 3 embryos and since they are frozen they will need to be thawed and the success rate of that is not the best. And third, to be honest, because the PIF is a doctor. Yea, that may sound tacky but they say doctors make the worst patients and I do NOT want to be over analyzed or have my doctors orders/opinions/suggestions scrutinized.
I could deal with most of my worries but I really REALLY don't want to go through another multiples pregnancy. I was so utterly miserable with the last set and I was soooo lucky to have a very uneventful vaginal delivery, I just don't think my luck will hold up once again and I'm absolutely terrified of a c-section.
Ansil thinks that we should at least talk with the couple before ruling anything out. I know in my head that is the right thing to do but I just don't want to. Maybe its because I'm not in the best frame of mind today or my emotions are running amok without me realizing it but I really want to write back and say no, I don't want to talk with them. :( And how terribly rude of me too!
Ansil also doesn't really have much of an opinion of them at this point other than to say give it a try and talk with them.
I guess thats what we will do but right now I'm really not feeling it and it sucks!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Not much going on
My profile has been sent out a few times and I personally haven't heard anything other than "nobody is ready for a phone conference yet" so I'm not entirely sure what that means. I asked if there was anything in my profile I needed to change or reword or take out and was told that it all looks great. I am getting the feeling though that theres something in there thats turning people off and it might be because of what I wrote in my "Dear Parents" letter. I was kinda frank about the issues with my last journey. I don't think it was bad per se but I can see how it could be construed as such because, well, it was pretty bad going through it. I am quite specific with certain things that I want and don't want this time around and although I would love to just say "yeah I'll do whatever you want" to match quickly, I really really really don't want to change what I know I need. My entire family will suffer for it, I know, I've seen it happen already. I know hubby is wanting things to move a bit quicker too but its just not and theres not a whole lot I can do about it right now. I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to be pregnant over my birthday again as it will be my 30th next year but it looks like I definitely will be now. I wish hubby would have agreed to this sooner so I could have been matching much much earlier than now. Ah well, can't change anything now!
So, theres an update albeit not much of one right now. Keep your fingers crossed that I have a much better one in the near NEAR future!
So, theres an update albeit not much of one right now. Keep your fingers crossed that I have a much better one in the near NEAR future!
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